In this post we'll be discussing personal situations we've been in, and what I would do in that situation. For example: If you're selling your house and moving into an apartment the next morning, you'd clean the place up nice, make sure the refrigerator and over are clean and perhaps leave a "good luck" note to the new buyer. But... What Would Dirty Lou Do?Well, i'd get completely shitfaced, pull out my favorite Louisville Slugger and go to town on the walls, ceilings and appliances. Fuck the new occupants... fuck 'em.
Now, please feel free to ask me about any situations that demand you make a decision about yourself and others, and i'll tell you what I'd do. Its called WWDLD. This, dear friends, is my advice column.
15 comments:
Hey Dirty,
I'm supposed to visit my girlfriends parents this weekend. I've been putting it off for about 3 months now. I know i should go, and probably bring some flowers or some shit. What would you do?
Why'd you fuck-up yer house Dirty? Would you do it again?
I’ve been dating this girl for two months and the sex is good. However to date I’ve only been able to sample two of her holes. I’m eager to get it in her pooper but she’s afraid my flesh stick will stretch out her anus like a pair of worn out gym socks. What would you do dirty lou? Anxiously awaiting your anal reply.
Dear Grilled-Cheeze,
Lets start off by saying this: flowers are for funerals, so don't bother trying to impress her mom with them. Instead, you should simply hit on her mom... hardcore. get her alone in the kitchen (or in the bathroom if you can) and tell her how much better looking she is than her daughter. even grab some ass, that couldnt hurt. This will leave a lasting impression on her and she'll love you for it. Makes her feel young and desired. As for the dad, bring him a 12 pack and forget about it. -- sincerely, Dirty Lou
Dear Filthy Pepe,
Unfortunately, your girlfriend just doesnt know how good fucking her in the ass will make YOU feel. and its all about you. Let her know, that if you need to, you can just get a prostitute for $150 so you can fuck her in the ass. Be sure to tell her you're not even thinking of wearing a rubber since you cant get a hooker pregnant by checking her oil. At this point, she'll be so scared to lose you that she'll definantly let you poke her donut hole... because she loves you, and she needs you in her life. Fuckit man, just do it -- Dirty Lou
Hey Dirty Lou,
can we see some pics of you and your dirtiness? I hear theres some pics giong around with you in a gold jumpsuit and feather boa, tickling random passers-by. Post that shit man.
Dear Pay_Per_View,
Grow up asshole. of course i'd do it again. And i did it because i wanted to you dipshit. -- Dirty Lou
Dearest Dirty,
I'm a big fan of ATM, you know- Ass-to-Mouth, but the problem is my girlfriend won't suck it after anal...I'm soo frustrated. All I want her to do is like my shit popsticle. I urgently need ur advice, please help!!
Dear Sanchez,
I'm not sure that you know, maybe you live in a cave or in some backwoods part of West Virginia, but the ATM is out of style my friend. Time to get with the program. ATM is for amateurs... in 1995. what's hot now is called "snow coning". this is where you fuck your lady on her period, then insert the beef portion of her meal into her mouth... like a cherry snow cone. If she refuses do lick her own womb chunks off your little hammer, tell her you're never fucking her again when she's on the rag. Cuz if thats gross to her, its gross for you to be covering your cock in dead pre-baby flesh. We all know how horny bitches get when they'er insides are falling out, so she'll get in line faster than a mexican at a fence hopping competition... and will gladly give you a snow cone.
Hey, lets grow up a bit here people. i feel like i'm giving a tour of the statue of liberty to a group of retards on a field-trip. Did the moron convention get out early today? Damn.
How about some serious topics, like how to handle the cops when they come to your house because of some bullshit "noise" violations (I'm a screamer baby, and i scream crazy shit when i'm blasting off), what to do and what not to do on a first date... and how to completely mental fuck a chick on a blind date, and guarantee yourself at least some head, and $50 bucks from her purse.
The ATM bullshit, and the anal stuff is so elementary school. Do you really need to know how to fuck a chick in the ass? come on. If thats the kinda shit you need to know, perhaps you should get your stupid ass back on the short bus and re-enroll in the 4th grade.
Lets pretend for a moment that you're all not really mentally handicapped and get something constructive on here. ya fuckers.
Dirty Lou had sex with my Momma...WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
What up Dirty,
I’ve heard stories about your wisdom and morals all the way down in Pompano Beach.
I have a unique problem, one that I think you could be of assistance with. You see, I have this fetish…all I want is for a respectable girl to take a dump on my chest and then jerk me off with her shit filled hands!! But my girlfriend won’t do it. Do you know how I can trick her, or maybe any dirty whores that would lend their pooper for an hour or so?
Dear Phantom,
Now we're talkin! The Cleveland Steemer, one of the sexiest, dirtiest moves in the bedroom. There's nothing like taking a steeming pile on the chest.
You, my dear reader, do not have a "fetish." The desire for Cleveland Steemers runs deep. In fact, a recent study from Quinnipiac College shows that nearly 13% of men polled would try it, 9% have wanted to try and a hearty 5.5% have done it at least once. this may not sound like a lot, but consider this:
of women polled, a full 34% have entertained the idea with 12% having tried it. So finding a willing participant is not that hard. However, getting your lucky lady to assist your cravings may be a bit tricky.
I suggest you first start off with some chocolate syrup. Have her squeeze out a bottle of Bosco on your chest. This will get her used to the color and texture. But do not let any get in your or her mouth. You want to avoid eating it at all costs. This will only hurt your chances of getting the "real thing" as her mind will connect more with the flavor of the chocoloate than with the passionate act of the Steemer, followed by the dirty hand job.
After a few sessions of chocolate, try moving into something a little less appealing to the palate. I suggest using mashed sweet potatoe with a shit load of salt and pepper. So much of it that if you taste it, you'll gag. Doing this will train her mind to the act of the steemer, rather than to the actual substance used. She'll no longer even think of eating it.
From there, try using brownie mix with a good amount of fart spray added (available at any local gag shop). This will allow her brain, which is now trained on the visual act (having been turned off to the possibility of eating it), to become familiar with the smell as well. over time, she'll no longer even notice the stink.
A few more rounds of this, my dear reader, and you'll be in full Cleveland Steemer bliss.
Rock on Phantom.
--Dirty Lou
I dunno how I found this site. You guys are fucked up.
But, I've got a problem that maybe this dirty dude can help out with...
Look man, there are these two college girls. One is a fuck-of-a-lot hotter than the other. I think I've got a shot with the hot one. But the ugly one, who's not that ugly... a 6, I can bang fer sure... low hanging fruit. And it might be real good, she could be a real fuggin freak.
But if I do bang her it's almost sure to fuck it up with the hot one... she's no slut and not down with fucking all her friends kinda shit...
I dunno what to do man. WWDLD??
Dear Playerb,
aaah. One of mans great dilemmas... The hot chick, or the easy chick. There have been volumes written on this very topic, and those volumes are all wrong.
lets state the facts first: Super Hot chicks are rarely awesome in bed. that is, of course, unless their daddy was never around, they are strippers (refer to reason 1) or they were molested as children (refer to reason 2). In that case, they can be retarded crazy in the sack.
But generally speaking, those of the super hot category dont feel the need to show their value in bed, as they are coveted by many. They have no need to learn how to keep a guy happy, since they've got their pick of retards waiting in line.
nonetheless, you definantly want to show a nice piece of ass off to your buddies, and fuck her face as often as possible.
mid level girls, like your #6 (she's really a 4 right?), have a lot more to prove. To make up for a lack of "looks", these girls are usually far more willing to please YOU in bed... to keep YOU happy... to keep YOU around.
This includes everything from anal to our beloved Cleveland Steemer. And studies show (my own studies) that mid level bitches are far easier to lay the pipe on than a black man at a klan rally.
Now, to your dilemma.
Start fucking the #6 chick. and give her ZERO respect. continue to fuck her for about 3 weeks (when YOU feel like it, never go when she calls and never call her unless its to fuck). Be a complete asshole, its absolutely necessary for what i'm about to say.
A couple weeks of this disrespect will allow you to overtly flirt with other chicks. While she'll get mad at you, you'll still fuck her just fine... because she needs you (unlike the super hot chick).
Once you bring her to the point of hating you, while still fucking you, you can move on to your super hot chick and work on her.
The #6 will be happy at this point to just have a taste of you. let her know its casual and you're into other women too.
Make your move on the super hot girl. and be obvious. Women hate pussies.
You'll have both the super hot "dead fish" to show off to your buddies, and fuck in the face and you'll have the crazy blumpkin loving ugly chick for wild sex.
Love,
Dirty Lou
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