Time To Take Out My Little Soldier

Dirty Lou,

Me and all my sistas love for our fellas to come in the back door, so to speak! A true playa would know this.

So 'Dirty' I am afraid I have to ask what your credentials are relating to women.

--Anonymous

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Dear anonymous,

Let me fill that loud pie hole of yours with some genuine, grade A premium, beef... with a side of horseradish sauce. You're dumb.

Of course most whores love it in the ass. I've stuck everything from jellybeans to old nintendo cartriges up the rear ends of numerous anonymous whores i've met on the city bus alone.

I once put nearly my entire CD collection (cases included) up the rectum of a little lady I met at a PTA meeting.

So if its credentials you want, i'll be happy to show you a thing or 2.
I have my old GI Joe collection that hasn't gone spelunking in nearly 10 years... I've been saving them for a special moment just like this (My COBRA figures are used often).

Once you've got Sgt. Slaughter, Snake Eyes and Ace ascending your colon, you'll be calling me Daddy.

If you need more "proof" of my sexual prowess, I can show you my University of Phoenix online diploma in office management, while i skull fuck you and your "sistas" senseless.

I look forward to hearing you scream "Go Joe!"

best wishes,

Dirty Lou

Help Dirty Lou, I Need An "Exit" Strategy

.
Please help me Dirty,

I’ve been dating this girl for two months and the sex is good. However to date I’ve only been able to sample two of her holes. I’m eager to get it in her pooper. Please help.

– Pepe

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Dear Pepe,

Unfortunately, your girlfriend just doesn’t know how good fucking her in the ass will make YOU feel. ...And it’s all about you.

Let her know, that if you need to, you can just get a prostitute for $150 so you can fuck her in the ass.

Be sure to tell her you're not even thinking of wearing a rubber since you can’t get a hooker pregnant by checking her oil.

At this point, she'll be so scared to lose you that she'll definitely let you poke her donut hole... because she loves you, and she needs you in her life.

If you need, I'd be glad to hook you up with somebody who does care about how YOU feel. Her name is Steve (pictured above) and she charges $150.

For that price, you can pretty much do anything you want to her. For some reason though, she won't do straight sex, the only available holes are her face and ass. She says she doesnt like the way her "vagina" looks. But regardless, she's smoking hot!

Whoever said money can't buy love is a complete idiot.

With Love and Honor,

Dirty Lou

Get Dirty On The Ave...

This Friday February 29th, Dirty Lou will be making a special guest appearance at the Blue Anchor Bar and Grill from 6-9 o’clock in beautiful slut infested Delray Beach Florida.

Come early and bring your girlfriend, wife or mother for a drinking experience of a lifetime. Be sure to swallow... we all know what happens if you don't.

There will be food, drinks and entertainment (as long as you’re buying) and plenty of games to entertain the kids while Dirty Lou plays hide the love stick with mommy.

This once in a lifetime drinking extravaganza has been sponsored by the makers of Cock Soup – I know it’s salty just shut up and swallow!

Special notice: The First 25 people to attend "Get Dirty On The Ave..." will get the opportunity to buy Dirty Lou his fill of rum and diet coke (yes, he will stick his pinky out while drinking), and will each receive a free, no obligation, insult from Dirty Lou himself.

See you there, Bitches

Dirty Lou in Action

Girls do shots... A Sexy Mother Fucker Like
Myself does 7 so-co and lime shots in a row.

Now Go Fuck Yourself!

Concerned Reader

Dear Dirty Lou,

Who knew they sold that (cock soup) the grocery store! I’ve got to admit that ever since I switched teams, I can’t help but miss the taste of cock just a little bit. I’ll have to check it out since my girlfriend would kill me if I ever indulged and I’d hate to lose that sweet ass of hers.

It probably won’t taste as good as the real thing but it will have to suffice! Unless of course you can lend some advice on how to convince her that a FMF ménage à trios is really an art form (she does love her art) and not an adulterous act!

-- Dolphin Safe
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Dearest Dolphin,

If you want some cock, just get some. If your immature girlfriend cant handle it, try fucking 2
guys at once. If she loves you (and remember kiddies, its all about YOU), she'll join in. I'll be available for personal sessions with the 2 of you if necessary.

I can introduce her to my orchestral rhythm stick under the guise of "relationship therapy" We'll call it Three'soms 101, with Professor Dirty.

I'll be announcing an appearance in South Florida sometime tomorrow. I'll be insulting women and calling pussy ass guys out on Friday night...

place: to be announced tomorrow.

If you're in the area, I can hand you my syllabus and we can begin course work immediately.

In the mean time, strap one on and make your little fuzzy poodle girlfriend call YOU Dirty Lou. As far as art goes, i'll be happy to paint a map of Hawaii on both your faces while you call me daddy.

Hugs and Kisses,

Dirty Lou

Fuck Campbells...

Fuck Campbells. Who needs another can of tomato soup when you can get your fill of COCK SOUP!

Bitches need to be eating more cock. Apparently women in this country are suffering from a cock difficiency. The lack of cock is dropping the average life expectancy of our nations most cherished citizens, young impressionable women.

Now, for the good of America, i'm offering you pretty ladies out there a good shot of vitamin Lou. Sure, you can eat a pouch of ordinary cock soup once a week, but you're not getting the full nutritional value of MY own brand of succulent, high fiber, vitamin B12 enriched rooster meat. Now available in South Florida.

What Would Dirty Lou Do?

In this post we'll be discussing personal situations we've been in, and what I would do in that situation. For example: If you're selling your house and moving into an apartment the next morning, you'd clean the place up nice, make sure the refrigerator and over are clean and perhaps leave a "good luck" note to the new buyer. But... What Would Dirty Lou Do?

Well, i'd get completely shitfaced, pull out my favorite Louisville Slugger and go to town on the walls, ceilings and appliances. Fuck the new occupants... fuck 'em.

Now, please feel free to ask me about any situations that demand you make a decision about yourself and others, and i'll tell you what I'd do. Its called WWDLD. This, dear friends, is my advice column.

Dear Dirty

Dear Dirty Lou,

I'm writing to tell you about a sexual fantasy that I have... It's kind of weird man... And it freaks my girlfriend out. She won't help me realize it and that really sucks. Can you help me persuade her to indulge me?

Here's what it is... I'm double-penetrating her with an old asian dude with a long grey fu-manchu mustache. Me and him both orgasm at the same time and give a hi-five.

Maybe I've watched too many kung-fu movies or something... But, that's it. What do you think? How can I get her to get down with the dojo master dirty three-way?

Signed

Karate Kid

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Dear Kid,

That's fucked up man... Not the DP, or the old Chinese dude... But a fucking hi-five?! Are you kidding me!? What are we in 19-fucking-89? No one with any sense of style does that shit anymore.

When you grow some balls and drag that bitch into the bedroom with you and Mr. Miagi. After you cover her in man-mayo, you guys need to pound fists with some snaps or sum shit West Pompano style... you nasty fuckin freak!!

Love,

Dirty Lou

Viva Dirty Lou!!!