Ok mother fuckers!!!
Here it is… the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the grand
re-opening… the “insiders” only info… the go fuck your mom in the scull story-of-the-millennium… the breaking news straight from my asshole to your ears…
Dirty Does Disney
Yes, the dirtiest fucker on earth recently visited the “happiest place on earth.” And I’m very glad to report there were no arrests… but plenty of close calls.
I began my happy journey into the Magic Kingdom hiding a hefty bottle of 151 rum in my shorts. I just tucked that lovely bottle of confidence under my enormous nut-sack and barged right through security.
Since there’s no booze in that theme park (I heard that from some gay homosexual fags I know), I had no choice but to cock-smuggle that shit in myself. And boy was it worth it!
Pirates Of The Caribb
ean:
A great ride. A bunch of robot pirates drinking rum and chasing robot ass. How do you spell inspiration?
I slugged down a good quarter of my bottle on that ride. It got me very horny. Those robot whores look like they can really swallow a cock or 2 .
I was damn close to jumping off that boat ride and bending one of those Johnny-5 sluts over and fucking the hydraulic fluid out of her ass. But I was able to control myself once I eyed the old lady sitting next to me checking out my huge boner.
I winked, she smiled… I came, she cried.
Moving on.
After leaving “Pirates” I had a pretty hefty buzz on and was wincing at the thought of drinking more 151 straight from the bottle, so I went and got a large coke, poured another quarter bottle into it and drank away.
About God knows how much later, I found myself on the line for the Haunted Mansion, completely shitfaced, nearly out of rum… and horny once again.
I apparently fell asleep on the damn ride as some goofy looking asshole had to jar me awake at the end of it… boner in hand and all.
More rum, more drunken wondering, more boners… hell, you'd be surprised just how much fun “It’s A Small World” is when you make the little kids on line start crying because you're making faces and roaring like a fucking ogre at them when their parents backs are turned.
I pretty much blacked out by 3pm. I vaguely recollect being escorted out by Disney Cops, but I had no handcuff marks on my wrists so that may have just been a dream.
Around 7 I awoke from my stupor sitting in my hotel shower, soaked to the bone, fully dressed.
Here it is… the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the grand
re-opening… the “insiders” only info… the go fuck your mom in the scull story-of-the-millennium… the breaking news straight from my asshole to your ears…
Dirty Does Disney
Yes, the dirtiest fucker on earth recently visited the “happiest place on earth.” And I’m very glad to report there were no arrests… but plenty of close calls.
I began my happy journey into the Magic Kingdom hiding a hefty bottle of 151 rum in my shorts. I just tucked that lovely bottle of confidence under my enormous nut-sack and barged right through security.
Since there’s no booze in that theme park (I heard that from some gay homosexual fags I know), I had no choice but to cock-smuggle that shit in myself. And boy was it worth it!
Pirates Of The Caribb
ean:A great ride. A bunch of robot pirates drinking rum and chasing robot ass. How do you spell inspiration?
I slugged down a good quarter of my bottle on that ride. It got me very horny. Those robot whores look like they can really swallow a cock or 2 .
I was damn close to jumping off that boat ride and bending one of those Johnny-5 sluts over and fucking the hydraulic fluid out of her ass. But I was able to control myself once I eyed the old lady sitting next to me checking out my huge boner.
I winked, she smiled… I came, she cried.
Moving on.
After leaving “Pirates” I had a pretty hefty buzz on and was wincing at the thought of drinking more 151 straight from the bottle, so I went and got a large coke, poured another quarter bottle into it and drank away.
About God knows how much later, I found myself on the line for the Haunted Mansion, completely shitfaced, nearly out of rum… and horny once again.
I apparently fell asleep on the damn ride as some goofy looking asshole had to jar me awake at the end of it… boner in hand and all.
More rum, more drunken wondering, more boners… hell, you'd be surprised just how much fun “It’s A Small World” is when you make the little kids on line start crying because you're making faces and roaring like a fucking ogre at them when their parents backs are turned.
I pretty much blacked out by 3pm. I vaguely recollect being escorted out by Disney Cops, but I had no handcuff marks on my wrists so that may have just been a dream.
Around 7 I awoke from my stupor sitting in my hotel shower, soaked to the bone, fully dressed.
I was somewhat coherent, so I decided to crank the fucker up and head out for some drinks. I hopped on the Disney bus and headed to Downtown Disney and Pleasure Island. It’s a place where they have bars, restaurants and plenty of young sluts on “vacation.” And we all know how whorish these sluts get on vacation.
Wondering around for a while, slamming down pina coladas and rum runners, I came upon a place called the Fulton Crab resturaunt, or some shit like that. Hungry was the name of the game… and some clams I was craving.
I sat at the bar there, putting away rum and cokes, when I noticed 2 spicy little bitches 2 seats down from me. As I slyly scooted over and began laying my mack down on these 2 whores, I noticed, rather quickly, that they were Lesbos. Full on pussy chomping dykes.
One of them was red hot and the other, the boy in the relationship, would be hot too if she put on a skirt or some makeup.
Conversation, as follows:
Dirty: “Hey hey ladies, how you doing tonight?” (finishing my rum and coke)
Lesbo #1: “we’re good, you?”
Dirty: “fucking great, you on vacation?” (ordering another rum)
Lesbo #2: “yes asshole, its Disney World, everyone
here is on vacation, einstein”
Dirty: “ouch, you’re a spicy one aren’t you?”
Lesbo #2: “hey, we’re trying to eat here, could you please fuck off?”
Dirty: “ooh la la. I can fuck the both of you off” (sipping rum with pinky out)
Wondering around for a while, slamming down pina coladas and rum runners, I came upon a place called the Fulton Crab resturaunt, or some shit like that. Hungry was the name of the game… and some clams I was craving.
I sat at the bar there, putting away rum and cokes, when I noticed 2 spicy little bitches 2 seats down from me. As I slyly scooted over and began laying my mack down on these 2 whores, I noticed, rather quickly, that they were Lesbos. Full on pussy chomping dykes.
One of them was red hot and the other, the boy in the relationship, would be hot too if she put on a skirt or some makeup.
Conversation, as follows:
Dirty: “Hey hey ladies, how you doing tonight?” (finishing my rum and coke)
Lesbo #1: “we’re good, you?”
Dirty: “fucking great, you on vacation?” (ordering another rum)
Lesbo #2: “yes asshole, its Disney World, everyone
here is on vacation, einstein”
Dirty: “ouch, you’re a spicy one aren’t you?”
Lesbo #2: “hey, we’re trying to eat here, could you please fuck off?”
Dirty: “ooh la la. I can fuck the both of you off” (sipping rum with pinky out)
Lesbo#1: “uhhh”
Dirty: “ok, which one of you loves the cock, and which one of you wants to try some on vacation?” (chugging)
Lesbo#2: “You’re fucking disgusting, get the fuck away from us”
Dirty: “Hey baby cakes, if you’re not interested in tasting some rooster meat, maybe your hot little muffin ass girlfriend is.” (finishing rum)
Lesbo#1: “honey, we’re on vacation and this guy is kinda funny, so just relax, he’s joking.”
Dirty: “see I told you so sweet-tits. She’s into me more than she’s into you” “ I have a room pretty close. You can spank me for being so bad”
Lesbo#2: (stands up) “get the fuck out of here or I’ll have you kicked out asshole.”
Lesbo#1 (pulling #2 to her seat) “its ok honey, lets just get out of here”
Dirty: “yes sluts! I knew you’d be down for some cock hammering, lets go!” . (finishing another drink, winking and grabbing my crotch)
Lesbo#2: (stands back up, reaches back and unloads a fucking right hook on the side of my face) “fuck you asshole”
Dirty: “geez you fucking Dyke. Fuck you, you fuckin bitch. Get the fuck back to your tuna-boat you ugly hag.. you're lucky i don't hit little boys bitch.” (order another drink).
Dirty: “ok, which one of you loves the cock, and which one of you wants to try some on vacation?” (chugging)
Lesbo#2: “You’re fucking disgusting, get the fuck away from us”
Dirty: “Hey baby cakes, if you’re not interested in tasting some rooster meat, maybe your hot little muffin ass girlfriend is.” (finishing rum)
Lesbo#1: “honey, we’re on vacation and this guy is kinda funny, so just relax, he’s joking.”
Dirty: “see I told you so sweet-tits. She’s into me more than she’s into you” “ I have a room pretty close. You can spank me for being so bad”
Lesbo#2: (stands up) “get the fuck out of here or I’ll have you kicked out asshole.”
Lesbo#1 (pulling #2 to her seat) “its ok honey, lets just get out of here”
Dirty: “yes sluts! I knew you’d be down for some cock hammering, lets go!” . (finishing another drink, winking and grabbing my crotch)
Lesbo#2: (stands back up, reaches back and unloads a fucking right hook on the side of my face) “fuck you asshole”
Dirty: “geez you fucking Dyke. Fuck you, you fuckin bitch. Get the fuck back to your tuna-boat you ugly hag.. you're lucky i don't hit little boys bitch.” (order another drink).
Lesbo#2: "Fuck off asshole."
Lesbo#1: "You're a real dick, you know that?"
Dirty: "whatever, whores"
The Lesbo’s leave in a hurry, I finish my drink, go to the bathroom and wipe some blood from my cheek (the fucking bitch was wearing a ring). I think I may have “rubbed one out” in there, but I can’t remember for sure.
At this point I’m so drunk I try hitting on a lady that was sitting next to the lesbos. But as soon as I turn towards her, she gets up and leaves too... and the people sitting next to me (some older guys) gave me the look of disgust and also left. Pussies.
The bartender says he can’t serve me anymore (somehow I didn't get booted earlier) so I walk outside and get some road-sodas from the frozen drink stand.
The Lesbo’s leave in a hurry, I finish my drink, go to the bathroom and wipe some blood from my cheek (the fucking bitch was wearing a ring). I think I may have “rubbed one out” in there, but I can’t remember for sure.
At this point I’m so drunk I try hitting on a lady that was sitting next to the lesbos. But as soon as I turn towards her, she gets up and leaves too... and the people sitting next to me (some older guys) gave me the look of disgust and also left. Pussies.
The bartender says he can’t serve me anymore (somehow I didn't get booted earlier) so I walk outside and get some road-sodas from the frozen drink stand.
I wandered around for a while, oblivious to the fact that i was completely shitcocked and apparently obscene as hell.
Some dude came up to me and told me I was making an ass of myself and I should go home. He told me "hey, there's kids around here man, watch your language." If I remember correctly, I repeatedly yelled "Fucking Dykes... fucking whores!" until he left me alone.
After a few more rum drinks, at different drink stands, as they would only serve me 1 each, I once again reached he point of "blackout"... for the second time in 1 fucking day!!!
The last thing I remember from Downtown Disney is me smoking a heater next to a garbage can with no sandals on. No idea where they went.
The last thing I remember from Downtown Disney is me smoking a heater next to a garbage can with no sandals on. No idea where they went.
I woke up on the bus, shoeless and soaking wet again. It wasn’t vomit or piss though, so I have no idea how I got so wet, or what bus I was on or how i even got on it in the first place. All I
knew was that my head was seriously pounding and I had blood on my shirt... which I assume came from the dyke cutting me open.
The driver called out "last stop" so I got off… piss drunk and confused. Lost somewhere in Disney World.
Scared and alone, shivering, wet and helpless I decided to pick up the courtesy phone at the bus stop and ask for help.
Conversation as follows:
Dirty: “hello?, I’m lost and I cant find my way home”
Operator: “ok, don’t worry. Whats your name?”
Dirty: “I can't find my shoes"
The driver called out "last stop" so I got off… piss drunk and confused. Lost somewhere in Disney World.
Scared and alone, shivering, wet and helpless I decided to pick up the courtesy phone at the bus stop and ask for help.
Conversation as follows:
Dirty: “hello?, I’m lost and I cant find my way home”Operator: “ok, don’t worry. Whats your name?”
Dirty: “I can't find my shoes"
Operator: "what's your name?"
Dirty: "I'm Dirty Lou"
Orator: “ok Dirty Lou, we’ll get you back, don’t worry”
Dirty: “but I’m lost and there’s no busses here and I can't find my shoes"
Operator: “Don’t worry Dirty Lou, calm down. Everything is going to be allright. what hotel are you staying at?”
Dirty: “ I dont know. I don't remember. Tornado Springs I think. Something like that"
Dirty: “but I’m lost and there’s no busses here and I can't find my shoes"
Operator: “Don’t worry Dirty Lou, calm down. Everything is going to be allright. what hotel are you staying at?”
Dirty: “ I dont know. I don't remember. Tornado Springs I think. Something like that"
Operator: "Saratoga Springs?"
Dirty: "yeah, thats it. Tornado Springs"
Operator: “ok, what is the number on the front of the courtesy phone you’re using”
Dirty: “2308, I’m lost please help me”
Operator: “Ok Dirty Lou, don't worry, if we have to, we’ll send a car and bring you right to your room”
Dirty: “please help me, please help me. I don't know where I am and I can't find my shoes."
.. Long pause… silence…
Operator: “ok Dirty Lou, we know where you are. Look at the courtesy phone, now look up, your hotel is right in front of you. Are you ok now?"
Dirty: “shit, thanks baby!, you're the best. You sound hot... what time do you get off?”
Operator: "enjoy your stay at Disney World Dirty Lou. Goodbye"
I hang up, go up to my room and try to put on some porn. But fuck. Disney doesn’t have pay-per-view porno's. What a bunch of shit.
Fucking lesbians. I can't believe that dyke hit me.
Dirty: “2308, I’m lost please help me”
Operator: “Ok Dirty Lou, don't worry, if we have to, we’ll send a car and bring you right to your room”
Dirty: “please help me, please help me. I don't know where I am and I can't find my shoes."
.. Long pause… silence…
Operator: “ok Dirty Lou, we know where you are. Look at the courtesy phone, now look up, your hotel is right in front of you. Are you ok now?"
Dirty: “shit, thanks baby!, you're the best. You sound hot... what time do you get off?”
Operator: "enjoy your stay at Disney World Dirty Lou. Goodbye"
I hang up, go up to my room and try to put on some porn. But fuck. Disney doesn’t have pay-per-view porno's. What a bunch of shit.
Fucking lesbians. I can't believe that dyke hit me.
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